Loyalty
by LuxaLucifer
Summary: "It just goes to show you never can tell." Remus's job troubles lead to him and James talking something deeper at the root of his unhappiness.


Written for QLFC semi-finals.

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><p>"It just goes to show you never can tell."<p>

Remus stood there, face burning. He could feel James seething beside him. If he didn't get them out soon, James would pop a vein yelling at him.

"Let's go," he said quietly. "We can always try somewhere else."

"You don't deserve to be treated like-"

"I said let's _go._"

Remus almost had to drag James out of the shop. James was stony-faced afterward, obviously angry. Remus wondered at times like this whether he was angry at Remus or the shopkeeper.

"Why do you let them treat you like that?"

"We can always check Knockturn Alley," Remus replied. "Shadier people than me work there."

"Every shop has shadier people than you working there, Remus," said James angrily. "You're the nicest guy I know."

"You know what I mean," said Remus wearily.

James sighed. "Let's get some ice cream," he said obviously annoyed. He grabbed Remus's arm a little more roughly than Reums would have little and practically dragged him to the nearby ice cream parlor.

James paid, as usual. Remus had insisted they'd come job hunting today. James was perfectly content to let him leech off James forever, but he wasn't.

"I can't believe he called you a half-breed," complained James bitterly. He'd taken it more personally than Remus had, honestly. Although that was probably just because Remus had grown used to it.

"I can," said Remus. "Like I said, no big deal. I can always find work in Knockturn Alley."

"I don't want you to work there," insisted James. "You deserve better."

"Well, I don't have a lot of options," he replied.

"Why don't you let me-"

"Because I'm an adult, James," he snapped. "One with a Hogwarts education and more qualifications than you have. I want a job. I don't want to sit around all day reading and listening to records."

James grunted angrily, shoving a scoop of ice cream into his mouth with vengeance. "I get that…but wouldn't it just be easier to-"

"I know what it would be easier to do," he replied hotly. "I get that, James. Don't think I don't."

"You're doing a lot of stuff with the Order, though, aren't you?" said James, getting that look in his eye Remus hated. "Isn't that enough?"

"Sure," said Remus. "It's something. But running around with other-" Here he stopped and glanced around to make sure no one else was listening. "Werewolves doesn't make me feel much better about myself. Just reminds me that society hates them as much as they hate me."

He stabbed his ice cream with his spoon. "I get why they run off and live in their own communities. I really do. It must be nice not worrying about what people in the Wizarding world think of them."

James looked stricken when Remus looked up. Remus winced and asked what was wrong.

"You've just never said anything like that before."

"I try not to think about it often," he said. "I'm fighting with all of you. I'm fighting for Hogwarts and for Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade, even if the people there refuse to accept me. Bsides, I don't get the time to mouth off about that kind of stuff when Sirius is around. He just tells me it's nonsense and demands that I shut it."

"It's dangerous thinking, Remus."

Remus frowned. "Can you seriously blame me?"

"I'm sure when people get to know you, like we do-"

"Are you seriously saying that after what you heard back there?" he replied. "That man hated me without a second thought, just from knowing what I am. And you're telling me I'm dangerous for thinking what other werewolves think? You've seen firsthand what I face."

"They're savage," said James, illustrating his point with an angrily wielded spoon. "You're nothing like other werewolves, Remus. They're messed up."

"That's messed up," said Remus, fists clenched, ice cream almost untouched. "That's so messed up. I'm your exception? I'm the 'one good one'? What the hell is wrong with you? The other werewolves are desperate, they called me Dumbledore's pet because I, unlike them, received a quality education, and you know what? They're right."

"Remus, I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes you did," he spat. He took a deep breath and shook his head. "No, you didn't. But that doesn't mean it isn't how you feel."

He pushed his bowl away. "Any of those men and women had the potential to be me. I could have been them. I just had an opportunity they didn't."

James stuck out his upper lip. "I wasn't trying to insult anyone," he insisted. "I'm just trying to help."

"Sometimes you go too far," Remus heard himself say. James stared at him.

"Fine," said Remus. "Forget it. You're obviously not listening to me."

He paused. He didn't want to say this. There was no way around it, though. He could feel the annoyance, the _anger, _boiling inside of him, ready to burst.

"I know what you think I am," he hissed. "You can't hide it. I know what you think."

"Remus, don't do this."

"I hear you whispering to each other. I thought you trusted me," he said, voice cracking. "I live with you, for Merlin's sake. I mean, being your pet werewolf had to count for something."

"You're not-"

"I am. But I'm not what you think I am. I'm not the spy."

"Sometimes you don't make that easy to believe," said James, the words making the world slow around Remus Lupin.

Remus stoods, his chair making a loud scraping noise. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? His life was crashing around his ears.

"When I die, make sure I get a good eulogy."


End file.
